Life Lesson #16: Be your own SUPERHERO.

You were not what I thought you were :/

I didn't exactly get really angry during ElecGeog today (: Woosh, it's like a trend that I get angry during ElecGeog every week cause people just cheese me off. Lit was so boring that I almost slept, I was sleepy anyway. Lab was fun (: Recess was bad, seriously. WE got delayed for 15 minutes since people had to come back from the lab and put their things and yadda. Was in the canteen for less than 20 minutes, okay, maybe 15 minutes, Chinese was quite fun and were were given time to learn 听写 which I am super thankful for. I memorised the 默写! Can't be happier than that. I was so sleepy during Math that it took Jessica quite long to wake me up O: Chemistry remedial was okay. i was supposed to get an extra 0.5 marks, but I wrote 'nitrate acid' instate of 'nitric acid'. RAWR, so, plus 0.5 minus 0.5 = 0

Home. Kinda slacked around and watched a little Tutera. Off to tuition. The teacher was so angry that she cried :/ Stupid boys, damn irritating :/

I need to learn my 听写! I need to score well, I MUST!

It isn't worth it, when we try so hard while others do not and they get better results / treatment. I'm just left standing there, unsure if I should be happy about it / don't bother about it / throw tantrums. Maybe I'm still that kid, that childish little girl I used to be 10 years ago. I think I should just take it in my stride and accept the fact that I'm not capable of doing things. So, I'm not capable, I'm unable to do the things that you can. Are YOU satisfied now?

School today was O: I enjoyed the lessons. Had to do some routine Term Reflection yadda yadda this morning. Previous experiences have shown that if I don't give politically correct answers, I will be called up and maybe even sent for counselling. Who wants to be sent for counselling anyway? Talking to a stranger (maybe not so bad) about your own problems. It's so hard for them to feel how you're feeling. Maybe my views will change, but at this moment, I don't really bother

If I handed in the piece which states how I really feel, I think, the world would think I'm depressed and have a sad life. Thank God I didn't. Woosh, and I'm gonna throw this piece of paper away. I don't want to remind myself of how sad a life I'm leading right now.

Failed comprehension. Jessica topped the class, cause of her sister's ABC songs before she was born. Tsk, my brother didn't sing to me when I was young :/ ARGH, I shall sing ABC's and all of Mdm Lee's Math Formulae Songs to my children next time. Then they can be smart.

Training was okay. I mean, I ran and ran till I didn't want to stop, I don't know why either. I had to anyway, in case people say I'm weird and run more. Kicking, tennis balls with the Sec Ones (a little pissifying) then hits, and match which was more pissifying and I really wanted to scream. Thank God I just threw my stick on the ground and didn't injure anyone. I'm still raging inside, and it feels really gross. I can't think of a better word. Tell me, how does it feel to have so much anger withn you and you're unable to let it all out?

RAWR, I'm in a horrendous mood right now. I don't know what to say. What I've been through today is really a lot, so mentally and emotionally frustrating. I'm not your punching bag and it's really annoying when you run back to cry. I'm NOT your maid. You want people to entertain you / talk to you, jolly go engage an entertainer. I have ZERO interest in entertaining you.

I shouldn't continue on negative rantings. Alright. I'll be gone.

The Lovers, the Dreamers and Me.

Woosh, completed my Essay at 1.30am this morning. Tuition was really funny. I'm trying to complete some work before going off to my cousin's later to celebrate his birthday. I think his birthday is tomorrow, kinda forgot.

Anyway, I feel pretty relaxed this weekend but still tired. Time to start working hard again.

Reach out for a morning star.
Don't forget to fly, like the way you taught me.

Woosh, I'm feeling sleepy. I spent the time I'm at home since yesterday till today either sleeping, on the computer, helping out with some random housework or well, watching the telly. Been catching up on quite a lot of Olympics today (: Not forgetting that I watched repeat telecasts of a few shows which I missed the other time.

Slept for 11 hours. Anyway, if you count those school days where I just come back and sleep my guts out, that's a little short of the record. Woke up to do some housework like changing the bedsheets, then it's telly all the way till 2, after which I went to the kitchen to help Mom with the cooking. I stank, so I went to take a shower (and I still reek of oil after that). Couldn't really be bothered since I was almost late for tuition. After tuition was dinner and telly all the way till now.

I was watching the Women's 800m heats (Heat 2) and there was this runner (forgot her name and country), she ran and her shorts (do you call that undies?) rolled all the way up, revealing her butt cheeks. Olympics should sometime be rated NC16. Switched the channel immediately, my poor eyes, and since there was something nicer on the other channel. Oh well, she didn't win anyway.

I have to start doing my essay, which is due tomorrow. I have to hand it in or else Zheng Lao Shi is gonna kick my ass and make me finish my work in class before I leave :/ That's really bad, so, I shouldn't try. I also intend to copy out ALL the 成语s for 听写 out, since I copied 5 the night before Biology test. I didn't know what I was doing, just wanted to do something apart from Biology (since I lost interest in the plants part).

I have to make myself stay awake to complete some work! Maybe, I shall add in some Math. Mdm Lee is really going to kill me. I don't want to do the long overdue trigo homework. It really sucks :/ (Did I tell you that my calculator was in the wrong mode for the first half of the test? Maybe I did.)

Back to work work work. The computer has lost it's appeal. I think it's a good sign (:

This post is a break from studying Biology. Let's start chronologically.

School was fine today. Anyway, Literature was a :/ My shoulder, armpit, wrist and back hurt. Well, it doesn't really hurt now. MANNNN, it was really a killer. I copied so fast, and so long. And my Lit results suck. YEAH, it's been like that since the start of the year :/ I want to cry. And stupid Joan didn't know that there was such thing called LIT CONSULTATION Shizz, like, totally, if there were such a thing, I might have understood the book better. I realised that I've been spelling SHAKESPEARE as SHAKESPEAR. HAHAHAH, Pear. I think he will overturn his grave and murder me for mispelling his name. I shall argue that "A rose, by any other name, still smells as sweet."

Sidetrack a little, my grandparents said that I will be a good lawyer when I grow up. Since young, I've always been the one arguing. They always like to say: ”你自己撞墙说墙撞你“ or they will go, “每次白的都可以给你讲到变黑去， 服了你。” HAHAHAH, that's why I rock. Maybe, I should have joined some debating team and earn myself some huge trophies.

The rest of the lessons were alright. I especially loved Chinese lesson today, cause we could watch a video on some 唐人街在哭泣 thing, with reference to the 课文. Anyway, it was really nice to watch (: Assembly was better. It's in CHINESE! WOOHOO! And I was telling Lehlin, "Aye, route to Taiwan!" HAHAHA.

Tuition was pretty much alright and I'm kinda getting the hang of TRIGO ]: HOHOHO!

Home, and I'm currently studying TRANSPORT IN HUMANS which I studied part of since 2 days ago. I love this chapter, I don't know why. I'm getting 变态-er by the moment cause I love Bio and can't wait to learn the Nervous System and not forgetting, I'm waiting for dissection class! WHEE! You get my idea. Anyway, being called Doctor Joan is a nice name, so I shall aim to be a doctor (: And Jessica shall be a vet. I can send my many many dogs to her in the future, and she shall come to meeeee! Got no idea to specialise in what yet. I love the brain, but it's really dangerous and for people like me, the brainless ones, Neuro is only for the top don't know how many percent of the elites. HAHAHA, bless me with more Vitamin K(nowledge) and brain cells!

Whee, back to Biology (:

I'm watching the highlights of the Men's Hockey match between Germany and China. The Chinese player just said "Ta Ma De". Luo F.M. just made the umpire check the video, cause the ball didn't even touch his stick :/ AWWW. This is so exciting. The China keeper rocks (: 3 corners in a row already! It's getting a little tensed. 4th one. I think the China keeper is freaking out in the helmet already. Okay, Germany finally scored.

I can just go be a commentator O: The goal is damn nice, really [: They said it's better to hit at the keeper's pads, let the keeper deflect then sweep it in.

Anyway, I woke up at 7.30 today. Should be in an exceptionally good mood, YAY.

Why are there so many songs about rainbows
And what's on the other side?
Rainbows are visions but only illusions.
Rainbows have nothing to hide.

I'm doing my Chinese Essay to hand it in for tuition later. It's 3 or 4 weeks overdue I think. I don't know why but I keep feeling cold recently. Is there really something wrong with me?

I much prefer this version to the other versions like Kermit the Frog and Jason Mraz.


What's so amazing that keeps us stargazing?

THAT was sweet <3

Anyway, I love you for THAT. Thanks for being so sweet always, for being there. But no thanks for hiding your feelings, idiot :/ I feel so cheated all thanks to you. RAWR. Tsk, you're forgiven; sometimes, I wonder, why do I even love you. HAHAHA, okay. No, I was joking ):

I realised that I've been too __. I'm gonna change, change for the better. Be more hardworking and firm with myself. Force myself to the limits and never give up. Maybe I might never ever reach that goal, but I won't regret it, cause I tried (: From now onwards, I shall start to psycho myself, acheive my dreams, my goals. I want to lead the life I dream of leading, and so, I should start working hard now.

I need to start with my brains. Brains, brains and more brains. I need brains (: I want brains, lovely.

I will grow through this pain. I'm going to grit my teeth and finish it all. It's gonna be worth it afterall (:

I just gave my whole computer table a whole revamp. Brought the CPU up and now it's under my monitor. And it looks like i've got more space to do my work since I shifted everything to the right side; the left side's all my paper / books / rubbish.

I think I'm getting myopic so I enlarged the font sizes on my screen though it doesn't really make a significant difference (okay, I'm sorry, it does make a difference). Alright. Now everything looks huge and fat, and gross. So, whenever I see your pictures, you'd look super fat O: I need to get used to it. If you ever come to my house and use my computer, you might think that it's my parents' computer. Cause of the huge fonts and all. Who cares if I can get like probably 70 or more years of seeing colours? I mean, well, I still want to watch my great grandchildren get married.

Today was a stay home day. Watched the Men's Gymnastics, Road Race Finals, Swimming, Handball and other random stuff like volleyball and beach volleyball. To sidetrack a little, India doesn't have a hockey team this year, if I'm not wrong. What a pity.

Hmm, I shall elaborate sometime soon.

Happy National Day

Happy 43rd Independence Day

I was sad.

I'm not your maid.

Anyway, I shall edit tomorrow. I'm too engrossed in my videos (:

4 periods dedicated to sleeping for the day. How can I ask for more? Okay, I slept for half an hour, but I completed my work and let the class copy my answers (:

Fast forward to the match.

Dear Juniors,

I'm really proud of you. Your spirit is admirable; I can never hold a candle to you. I admire the times, when you fought hard, when you encouraged each other, when you comforted each other.

All I can say is that, they fought really hard. Even after the full match, the extra time, and the penalty flicks. You've done well.

Today, I'm very proud of Yvonne. My first junior finally showed me what she is capable of. Yvonne, I really really love you. You did really well, and every one thinks so too. You don't have to feel bad, it's not your fault, it's not anyone's fault, really. We shall make a stronger comeback alright? I really really am very proud of you. I love you. Enjoy the sports trip (:

How convincing do I sound? I used to think that I was strong, but never expected myself to cry, in this way.

I know it's hard but don't be afraid. it's just an hour and a half and THAT sums up the 2 years of hard work.

I promise that I'll be there when you're scared. I promise I will pray for you.

Whatever the result is,
I will still love you,
as much.

I'm limiting myself to 2 minutes. Okay, I'm really like, gonna die right now. Typing furiously. My Mom wants me to settle somethings on her computer first and because of some stupid things I haven't started on studying Chemistry. Oh mannn, this sucks. ARGH. 1 minutes and less. I'm gonna settle her work before I kill myself in a pile of Chemistry notes. Actually, time's up. Okay. I'm not gonna die. I'm gonna score at least a A2 for this test. I know I can <3

I really feel like going for a Full-body Aromatherapy massage right now. Just sent Sining to the bus stop.

Overslept but I was still way early for training. Didn't train, just sat there, to slack, watch videos and watch how Coach's friend do the drag-flick and sweep.

Came home, bathed. Took a stroll to Buangkok MRT and took the train to Sengkang. How dumb can I get? I could have just taken the bus. Met Sining and ate at BK. Took the bus home. Talked, watched Youtube and made Sining cry. We stalked people and their blogs. Oops. Sent her home.

Mom says that everytime I talk to Sining, I always keep quiet and listen. She says that I always listen to Sining. And the only friend she knows is Sining. Sometimes, my Mom amuses me so much, that I roll on the floor laughing.

I shall keep this short and sweet.

The waterworks are going to start soon. Blame it on the song that replays on my Media Player. I listened to it more than a hundred times today. I'm still not sick of it. Maybe I should change the song. When I try to open my mouth to sing it, nothing comes out. I'm half choking already.

I need a shoulder now. Friends, where are all of you?

Oh, I forgot, I don't have friends.

I'm going to retreat into my room, to drown myself.

Today was a long day and I'm exhausted. Rushed to school to hand in my Chemistry File, and smart-ly forgot my IPW and Math Homework. Was quite angry with myself. Met Lehlin at her house and fiddled around with her piano for a few moments. I'm so piano obsessed I think I'll just spend my holidays for extra lessons, tuition, homework, movies with best friends and the piano.

So we went to Vivo, bitching all the way from school to the train, to the ticket counter, and even in the movies. Watch Drillbit Taylor, which was rather funny. We've already planned out the schedule for out next few movies. While we were watching the movie, we saw this couple from YCK Secondary making out in the cinema; as in, very touchy. Oh anyway, when the people in the movies kissed, they kissed too. That's almost, uhm, more than 5 times.

That was gross, and we were wondering if we were in the wrong cinema or something, cause some of the scenes, okay. Shouldn't elaborate. Walked around, played at Toys'R Us. And I bought a ball gun! I'm gonna bring it to school on Monday (: Bought food and walked around. Had loads of fun (:

Met her Dad, then I left to go to the hospital. I feel damn bad. The report's out, and he has to stay a little longer in the hospital ): But it's my cousins' birthday tomorrow and they want him to be present. I forgot to ask the nurse if we could sign him out for the evening and bring him back later. Tsk. It's damn boring there. I wonder how he put up with all the boredom ): I miss him already. I miss his big tummy ):

All I want is him to get well now.

Note to self:

Stand firm and not be such a pushover. Be firm on one's own stand.

And yes. I slept in. Supposed to wake up at 6.45 to get some work done. And I don't know how I manage to off 5 alarms at intervals of 5 minutes. I'm supersmart (: WOOTS. Slept till 8.

I'm gonna go off now to get ready to go back to school and submit my files. So unreasonable. Thank God my headache hasn't attacked yet (:

Discretion: If I ever do use vulgarities, do not be offended.

Today wasn't a cool day at all. It's the last day, yet the worst day. I woke up feeling dizzy, almost toppling over my stack of clothes on the floor and rolling off the bed and onto the cold hard marble floor. I didn't know my Dad was in the toilet and I just walked straight, into the door. How dumb. I almost used the wrong toothbrush and almost squeezed toothpaste into my mouth. I was still dizzy and slept all the way to school, I almost rolled out of the car. WOW.

Slept in class till Lehlin came. I have a cool pillow beside me in class. I pinch / smack / sleep on her all the time. PPR time was bleh. I got worse that what I had expected. I felt like killing myself in one shot. My L1R5 rocketed so high, to the moon. I bet when the teachers were key-ing in my scores, that stupid L1R5 space was singing to them "Fly me to the moon and let my play among the stars. Let me see what spring is like on Jupiter and Mars." Kewlz L1R5 singing songs. And it really flew to the moon. It's 1 point away from 4 times my expected grade. Well, it's too high to get into a JC, chances of getting into Poly are somewhat dashed too. And the ITE might not want me too.

It's pathetic. My mom kinda knows that I got back my PPR already, cause she saw Rachael's. She's damn smart I tell you. Like, last year's EOY, she scored all A's. If that isn't bad enough, it's ALL A1's. Almost got a heart attack and died. I think I got so many C's. Now even my tuition teacher says I'm in danger for my O'Levels, cause I got 5C's. That isn't a great thing. And I only have 1 A. How dumb. I should really tender my resignation from school and go be a cleaner instead.

I'm so disappointed in myself. I don't know what my parents would say. I think I got the highest in class counting the L1R5. DAMN. I'm so disappointed in myself I don't know what to say. I should really just go kill myself and stop wasting the Earth's resources.

We had to write testimonials for ourselves during English. Mine was a very good one:

" Joan was a student of (Name of School) from the year 2006-2009. She sucks big time. She has absolutely no talents and is unworthy to be in this school. She is active and EXTREMELY vocal and has to put in more consistent effort. It's my greatest displeasure to have her in my class for 2 years. It's everyone's suay-ness to know her."

Mrs Teo rejected it at a glance; I had to write a paragraph of lies instead. Something like:

"She treasures the little things in life and is always willing to lend a helping hand to those in need. She is also very enthusiastic in class."

I'm starting to suspect that the teachers' have this long list of comments on how to make bad comments sound positive. Oh well. It's a pack of lies and I'm so disgusted by myself for getting these kind of results and I'm even more disappointed in myself for being such a person to bring nothing but misery and terror into peoples' lives.

Tsk. I have nothing better so say about myself. My headache's been on-off but it doesn't affect me that much. It's the giddy spells now. I have to complete a lot of work by tomorrow, so that I can go back to school and hand them in. UNREASONABLE. I listed down everything on my mind onto paper and it's a long list. The teachers can get VERY UNREASONABLE at times; for nut's sake, I'VE BEEN ILL FOR 2 WEEKS AND SOMETHING CROPPED UP, don't I get some extra time to settle everything before I do my homework and filing? Those are important; but I think my health is  more important.

So sue me for being selfish. I value my life more over homework, filing and grades. Without health / life, what can I do? Why are you so unreasonable. You didn't even give a proper content page and you expect me to do filing. Damn. So, WTF do you want me to do now? To fling myself off this 7-storey flat and land myself in hospital to prove to you that I'm really sick? Or spend a thousand bucks on a dumb CT scan to prove that I'm really ill?

I can't comprehend such people. Please be more reasonable.

Exhausted.

There's a lot of things on my mind now and I still don't know how to prioritise. I almost fainted after morning jog, and had to suck on a sweet. My giddy spells still come now and then and I'm feeling a little heavy headed now. The skin on my palms keep peeling.

Juniors finally won the championship.

I went to the hospital after school. He lost damn a lot of fats ): He doesn't have that fatty belly anymore :/ I do hope the report comes out nicely, and that's it's only a mild case of dengue.

Deadlines. I'm gonna faint, soon.

The times we embraced each other,
The times we cried together,
The times we laughed at the silliest things together,
I'd never forget.

Eli, Eli, lema sabachthani?
My God, My God, why have You forsaken me?

Woke up feeling dizzy. And I finally went to the doctor! And I found out something interesting; I can be a doctor too! I've already diagnosed my illness myself, tension headache. And it's a safe headache, cause it doesn't affect anything. Like WTH, it does affect my work! Okay, and thankfully, there's nothing wrong with my optic nerves (: Rejoice! And he just gave me Pacofen and Mobic, which are some random over-the-counter medicine. I can get it anywhere! It cost me $33.

I actually went for tuition, and it was bad. I was enjoying myself on the train, with nice music and great games thanks to my phone. And this Indian man just sat beside me. Okay, he's slightly on the obese side, so, he had to take up a quarter of my seat. If that isn't bad enough, he had body odour. It triggered my headache, and it was quite bad. I wanted to stand up and walk away, but if I did, I'm sure that I'm gonna topple over and faint in the train. He FINALLY got off at Little India.

Did the train transfer, and I met a this Indian lady, who's hair was so long that, well, it just kept tickling me. It was irritating. I felt like snipping her hair off. I bet she knew that her long hair was irritating me, but she just can't be bothered. I got really irritated when people don't keep to the escalator rules; keep left. I was in a rush and couldn't get through, even on the right side. (Blood starts to boil again)

Finally got to tuition. Grace wasn't here today, and work was pretty slack. We read some poems and that's all (: We talked about the earthquake in China. I read on Yahoo last night that more than 26 000 people perished. And my teacher told us that when the school collasped, there was this boy who managed to get out alive, cause he was late for school. And when children were found beneath the rubble, they were still holding their pencils. Life and death were separated, by a split second.

Took the train from Bugis. And now, what's worse was that, the train was already so packed, and this Indian father brought his small son in, and squeezed beside me. He raised his hand to hold the ceiling of the train for balance. Nevertheless, the thing is that, when the train is so packed, there is absolutely no need for you to hold anything for balance. I mean, there's people everywhere, you won't fall. And unfortunately, I was facing that direction, and he nicely aired his armpits right in my face. Oh damn. Do you know how gross it was, sweat and all.

I almost puked on the train, and my headache started again. Tried to get a seat on the purple train, yet, I couldn't. Everytime I decide to walk towards a seat, someone would be faster than me. I normally stand on trains, but, I really needed a seat today, I could faint, cause my headache was so bad. This uncle oh-so-cooly put his fishball noodle soup on the seat, like that was more important than someone fainting in the train. I was so angry that I could burst into a string of vulgarities.

Home, and we went out for dinner. It was some cheenapok steamboat restaurant. The food was good. And I was telling my parents that with food, there'd be no headache. Went to the temple. I was so amused by so many things. I broke the first commandment ): And I have to call KC now. So, till then!

I'm half on the verge of smacking my head against the wall again.

Mommy had a course to attend in the morning, and therefore, I was left home alone with my smelly brother. Oh well. I woke up, still feeling alright. And now, I'm having my headache again ): I don't know what's wrong. It's just numb, I don't know what it is anyway. ARR. Cause of the course in the morning, no one could bring me to the doctor's and RAWR, I'm gonna die. I haven't touched any of my homework yet :/ I'm so gonna die. I can't concentrate now, so, I shall go see how to describe my headache and we'll see how.

Chows.

Those who joyfully leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.
Faith ends where worry begins and worry ends where Faith begins.

I found this last night, after surfing random blogging mothers' blogs. Oh well, they're pretty inspiring. And I just love to see the kids' smiles. I mean, where can you find better smiles than that?

Look at the time. I'm right here, burning my IPW into a disc, cause that dumb brother of mine refuses to lend me his thumbdrive. Well, it's supposed to be mine anyway. Stupid idiot. He's gonna get it from me later.

Oh man, I'm so cheesed off by him now that I can kick his ass so hard that he can't sit down for 3 days. Irritating people do exist, and here's one example. My dad isn't doing anything about it, which is worse. And even refuses to buy me my own thumbdrive.

Just spoils my day :/

> : (

School was a relative screw up today. Thank God I got my job attachment last night / this morning. It's damn far, but whatever, I still like it anyway. Oh, since there're only 2 available vacancies, my partner is Weiqi. My, I don't even know her. But whatever.

HEH, Social Studies was a mojor screw up, though I tried so hard. I hope I'll pass. I mean, with those idiot-proof tips, how can anyone fail. It's like telling you what pages to study, 5 minutes before the test starts. Oh mannnn.

Got to touch the piano after eons. I'm happy, cause I still can play 2 or 3 songs (: Those simple ones.

Leadership workshop was fun, though Bwong and I ended up feeling sleepy towards the end.

I need to complete that dumbbbbb eye pee double eww project ):

Mommy thinks I'm mad. I keep screaming random songs instead of singing them nicely. I bet she thinks I'm such a disgrace to her, cause she can sing, and I can't. Oops.

I'm having a terrible headache again ): Stewpit brain, work! ARRRR, I shall scald my brains to wake them up manxzxz. ARRRR.

My parents ate durian in the living room while I was being cooped up in my room, cramming 50 pages of Social Studies into my Amoeba-sized brain. They didn't even offer me! > : ( (pouts) HAHAHA, nope, I just discovered that there's still quite a lot in the fridge. I'm gonna fight and keep all of that to myself.

My parents are turning cuter by the minute. They have a ton more funny stuff to say. Influenced by me. And I bet you, I'd have good food to eat for the rest of the week, cause my mom thinks I'm sad. And everytime I'm down, I'd always have nice things to eat (: Not forgetting to mention that when my mom gives me one serving, I'd waste half of it, either because I'm too full, or I play with the food.

Alright. Back to ASS-ASS. And EYE-PEE-DOUBLE EEW-

Oh mannn, I'm getting ill now, and I hope I can go to school tomorrow.

PM in the morning. I didn't want to go, cause Tracy didn't come too :/ Damn, I was so down for the entire day. I failed my MND, just as I thought I would. That's why I want to drop that stupid subject. Spoils the looks of my Graduation Cert, not that's it'd be all A's anyway. A sea of B's and C's. ARRR.

Slept for a few moments in Math, cause I was so tired. I wanted to go home halfway through, but, my mom was enjoying lunch with my brother, so they can't possibly come and pick me up. ARR. Assembly was __. Like primary school all over again. No comments.

Talked to Rachael for so long and so much on our way to tuition since Chloe wasn't there with us ): STOOPID.

I'm feeling sick now. Like, headache / migraine and nausea spells ):

I want to do my Bio test tomorrow, even if I fail.

I'm damn irritated now. I clean forgot about IPW being due tomorrow until the Ms Lee told us today. And since I only knew about it today, and the rubrics, I have to freaking change the entire SW Analysis and Project Proposal. I'm really drained from school and CCA already. Dozed off so many times, and my mom's blasting the telly when she's the only one watching. Mind you, my computer's in the living room, and the telly's volume is like 45 or something like that.

I'm so irritated that I can kill myself right at this moment. It's so late, I don't dare to call my PW members for help. And cause of that, I've to start searching for all the information all over again. We're gonna fail, and I don't really care now. It's so last minute. My information is like so contradicting. I'm so gonna die. I'm gonna see my members coming after me with parangs in their hand after they get the results, cause I totally screwed the up. What shit of a leader. I deem myself unfit man :/ I'm really gonna kill myself soon.


I'm so cheesed, I feel like screaming at my mom, but I risk getting slapped. The telly's damn loud, I freaking can't stand it anymore.

Just look at this, I'm about 4% to being an introvert. Look at everything. Isn't that one of the worst personalities. TSK. Maybe, if I take this test again, the results would be different. See those two words under my name? "Mentor, Visionary" Is this test accurate? I don't think I'm a mentor in any way.

It's gonna be a long day.

At this time last week, we were having campfire. And at 2030hr, more than half of 3 Justice would be crying like little fools. I'm the greatest fool if you didn't know. How I miss the times we shared 168 hours ago. I'm still missing my buggie friends :/

Well, I guess, if I were back there, I would have cherished every single moment there, and probably, bonded with my darling a little more <3 One of the many things I regretted.

I should stop crying over those insignificant spoilers. They cheese me off even more.

Slept with the computer on for some time, then I went to bed. I slept for 12 hours straight, but I'm still sleepy.

So, last week, I was at St John Island, getting cheesed off by the mealtime, and I was doing the Amusing Race at this time. RAWR, I miss that place, I miss the buggie friends I made. I don't hate bugs now <3 You get my idea heh.

Stuffed myself for breakfast / lunch, and I'm gonna start mugging now :/ The weather is sucha killer, and what, my computer's in the living room, which means no aircon :/ I didn't request for it to be here anyway, it kinda gets scary when I'm at the balcony here alone at 2 in the morning :/ I want my computer to be in my room! My parents would probably kill me, so, well.

I realised that my screen's so wide (: HAHAHA.

Oh my, I dreamt of Mas Selamat last night :/ It was scary, he was holding a gun and pointing it at me. He looked like a lunatic, crazy man ): BAWLS. Of all people, he had to climb into my dreams. ARRR.

First day of school after camp, and I still feel that school's more energy draining than camp. I have to keep telling myself that it's back to studies and stop thinking about camp. Stopped self from going high, cause I'd probably irritate the teachers and the rest of my classmates with my rubbish. It's hard, when the rest are just cheering, and I'm just being that little spoil sport again :/

Those sweet memories just came flooding. I don't know how to put it, but the forum brings back too many memories. I'm still suffering from withdrawal.

Lessons weren't that good either, I guess, I'm in the wrong state of mind. And freaks, training sucked. I give up man, I seriously can't find anything that I'm good at. Tsk, I should really just go bang the wall and die, I mean, the world's facing crisis of not having enough food, and I'm still here, wasting resources. "That's isn't what a Geography student should do." I should make self sacrifices, die for the world.

(Kicks self) What exactly am I thinking of?

I didn't really talk a lot today, compared to how much I usually do, or maybe in camp. Sad to say, I haven't spoken more than 20 sentences at home since I got back from camp. It's like, everyone has the own things to do, and all I get is my father's hollerings to make me clean up my room / study table. The feeling isn't good.

I'm on the verge of chionging for the waterworks now. TSK.

Look at the time now, I keep thinking that it's still 8.

I'm feeling empty now. There's no noise, except the sound coming out from my speakers. No one's going hyper at home now, or maybe, they do not get hyper. I'm the only one that gets hyper and start screaming that I want to eat fried beehoon, and loads of random things. I'm the only one that runs around the house, screaming / singing God Bless My Underpants. I'm the one that runs around the house, screaming that someone sucks or ruined my life or something that I do not like. I go round scaring my parents and brother from the back and jumping everywhere, including the soapy toilet floor (which I almost landed myself in the hospital for, if not for the pai.) I'm the craziest person at home, and of course, the dumbest.

Camp is all over now, and the songs that are running on my player now reminds me about camp, every single moment. I have to get everything back in order now. I'd rather camp; a thousand buddha claps, doing Monsters Inc 10 times, carrying that trash can full of water 10 times up and down the slope, eating cold food, drinking tap water, bathing in the open, sharing my food / water / bed with little insects and campfire every night, than to a day of school.

I realised what "Tired's only in the mind" means now. However little I slept in camp still got me so energetic and all, having the boost to run around like a mad fool. And when I'm home, I'm so dead, I have spoken less than 10 sentences since I reached home, I'm serious about this; that's why the entire house is so quiet now. I'm the noisy one at home. And sometimes, I wish my younger brother were here, to irritate me, to make me wanna smack him hard, to make me wanna strangle him till he chokes.

I don't know what he looks like, but I'm sure, he'd be fat and chubby, and in contrast, I'd be way skinner cause he'd be getting all the food, and perhaps, not in a sporting CCA; maybe some CCA that's more feminine. I've been brought up in such a way that I play with Power Rangers more than I play with Barbie Dolls. I wear teeshirt and pants for more than three quarters of my life, and the other quarter is spend being in the bath, and in skirt / dresses when I was young. This keeps my Grandmother / Father nagging at me to wear skirts more often. And if I have the chance, I'd cut my hair short, cause it's blistering right here in this little red dot.

Talking about sweat. My sweat glands are still hyper active after the camp. I fell asleep without any fan on, and when I woke up, the collar of my tee was drenched. My face is still so oily. I bet when you put me under then sun, it's enough to be a non-stick frying 'pan' for an egg. I wish I had brought suntan lotion to the island, then I can apply and tan the sides that I usually not get tanned during training.

It's 2238hr now. The hour I've been waiting for. Cause, it's the time we cried as a class together, and the time I gave Cherie a hug. I'm gonna cry again if I do not get my piorities right. So, work beckons. And I shall post, when I think of what I want to say.

And life is a road that I wanna keep going
Love is a river, I wanna keep flowing
Life is a road, now and forever, wonderful journey
                                    -This has been stuck in my mind since last night.

Finally, I'm back. And no, I do not regret dragging myself there.

I had Macs for breakfast on Thursday morning. Oh well, and getting smacked by Peiyi / Wenrou on the bus isn't a very cool thing. TSK. Reached the jetty, and sang so many songs. We were the last to board and arrive cause we were the group on duy for lunch. After going mad in the ferry, we had to carry our luggages and the lunch up the slopes and all. It was tiring. I was complaining and grumbling. Luggages plus food plus slope equals killer :/ ARRR. Mealtimes chessed me off the the first day.

Then, we had our Amusing Race. Caterpillar with balloon, passing the basin of water, Lost Shepherd and all. Monsters' Inc killed my wrists totally, cause I was the last, the all the weight of the people leaning back was on me. My hands were blistered :/ ARRR. Bath time was gross. I had to wash myself at the tap, so, I bathed with my clothes on, in a very obscene way, I mean, squatting at the tap and let the water run through all my clothes and washing the soap off and all. We had our campfire prep and dinner after that, I remember getting scolded during dinner, and those flies. Our night activity was about Sinhong getting kidnapped! Did many different things to save our beloved Sinhong, and it was really scary. We ran around like dogs, quote the instructors. Debrief and back to bed. The safari / beach beds were cool to sleep on, and confortable (:

Friday. 8 people were late, we had to do 80 Buddha claps :/ I was really really angry. We did more than a hundred :/ I was cursing and swearing at the back of the line, occasionally punctuating my sentences with swear words. Buddha claps can kill armpits. TSK. We had a little campfire prep at the chess area, then casualty challenge. Thank God the bin was leaking (: The load of water was lightened along the way, we completed second and went really mad. Lunch and water rafting after that. Wasn't allowed near the water since my parentes didn't allow. Sat out with Sinhong :/ I so badly wanted to play, the even did the baby shark cheer ): (Bawls and runs around house screaming)

Multi-level captains ball was good, though I played like __. I bet I touched the ball less than 10 times. Oh well, I just love the our mirror group, helping each other. I managed to get a ball from Cleo by shouting for her and she passed it to me, woots (: HAHHA, and after that was "Joan, you suck.", but whatever, TSK. It was fun, and we had prep before wash up. We were stung by retarded insects :/ ARRR, next time I see you, I bite you. Wash up was so fun! I could see Lehlin bathing (only her head) and it was the first time I felt clean in the camp.

Dinner was the best, I mean, it tasted better than anything else we had on the island. And campfire was great. I love my class <3 The instructors were super enthusiastic and all. Their Accidentally In Love dance was funny, cause the two wearing black looked like the 'parents' and didn't dance like how the others go hyper. Debrief made me cry, cause of Lehlin, hahaha, she cry, and that made me cry too. Somewhat memorable, that more than three quarters of 3J cried together, at the same time. Oops.

Skinny and I stayed up to write notes for the class, and we forgot to give it to them, WTH. HAHAHA, I feel damn smart, really. The night was great (: I love sleeping on beach beds, I don't mind donating my bed to the Salvation Army, and they can give me a beach bed in return (: I slept even though I was sticky everywhere.

Woke up really early today to get our tee-shirt done. Signed on my super big size 42 shirt. HAHAHA, Cherie must have freaked out when she saw the size, cause what Froggy had was 38. (Laughs like a mad hyena) And my smelly sweat and soap! Alright, cleaning up, collecting bedsheets and whatever. Sang all the way, and when we sang pengyou, Lehlin's eyes and mine were 'sweating'. HAHAHA. Queued up, and went back. I'll miss that dumb slope that got my hands blistered. MAN, it's 2130hr now, and I bet we were still having campfire last night, and searching for Sinhong the night before last. Oh man, how I miss that island now. I wanna be a Kampung Girl. (OMG, I can't believe I'm saying this!)

The journey back on ferry was fun! Cause I don't get seasick, and I love the sea. Journey back on bus was a little, how do I put it? We sang pengyou for the last time, and our eyes 'sweat-ed' again. Sometimes, I wonder, how do I get so emotional.

Home, and slept till 5 plus. Here I am, and I haven't done any work yet, since I've been 'stalking' other people's blogs, quote Felicia. HAHAHA. I'm missing the times at that little island now. I miss dorm 11.

( From Kristel's Blog )

I marvel myself. I didn't put any mosquito repellant / patches and I only had 2 bites (: Oh yeah! I saved money (: I'll stick to my theory that medicated oil and salonpas are the best repellants.

The times, are kept in the memory box. I love CAMP <4

While waiting for my clothes to tumble dry in the dryer, I shall post.

School wasn't exactly great. I walked 1.5 rounds for 2.4 cause I had beep after that. I was so sleepy ); I need to sleep early tonight, which also means, 12. HAHAHA, I'm half done with my packing. Kristel and I totally went mad during PW. Just as if we were high on dope. TSKTSKTSK.

Oh well. Beep wasn't great either. I freaking messed up that damned thing cause I failed to touch the cone. That was really dumb. Cause, I was 2 or 4 more runs away from 7. I was cursing and swearing at that fat man :/ TSK. I'm angry with myself. Why did I even cheat? Actually, I didn't. He's cock-eyed. I was near the cone, not 2 steps away. PGD :/ I'm gonna bite you the next time I see you.

Alright.

Let's talk about my dream last night. The main character inside, please do not kill me when you see this. Sorry, that I had to dream of you and laugh at you throughout the night O:

So, who did I dream of? ___. HAHAHA, I know, weird. So I dreamt that we were in camp, and in this room. It looked like some hotel room, but so many of us were squished together. I was the last one to wake up, cause I felt sick. She was like armoured in her sweater and trackpants. Scared of the cold. TSK. I opened my eyes, then she just came and put her hand on my forehead to take my temperature. "Are you alright?" Silence, I tell you. HAHAHA, then, I went back to sleep again. The next time I woke up, I was sitting up, and there she was in teeshirt and shorts, asking me how I was again. I woke up from this dream "HAHAHAHA"-ing all the way. It was damn funny. The way she looked and spoke. I even thought that she was my mother in my dreams :/ TSKTSKTSK. I think too much.

Then, being too tired, I went back to sleep. I dreamt about the entire cohort coming back from camp. And all their bags were dumped at my void deck. (I know, it's lame) I had a hard time finding my bag, and so did the cohort. (Why the cohort man!) HAHAHA, invited people to my house, but changed the thought, cause I didn't pack my room. HAHAHA, I was laughing throughout the entire night. TSK.

Oh, if you didn't know, I talk in my dreams. There was this once, I woke up, screaming a whole lot of vulgarities, until my parents asked me what happened. HAHAHA, bad experience man.

Camp's tomorrow. I'll be MIA for 3 days. I'm gonna wake up at 5 to post tomorrow (:

Hello Kristel! Yes, you have to wake me up to watch the sunrise. We shall wake Lehlin up too! I can watch the first ever sunrise of my life with my best friends (: Well, I think sunrises are better to watch than sunsets, on a more positive note, well. They both look the same right?

I serverely lack self discipline. I woke up at 0336. And I studied ionic equations. I made sure I balanced them correctly, and made it even sure that I did them correctly. The feeling of being able to do something I've been doing wrong for eons right was just pure estacy. Being smart, I drank Milo, and took my notes to the living room to study. I was doing everything alright and fine, till the moment my heavy head touched the sofa. I feel asleep. How great can that be? So, I slept at 0440. Oh well, saying that I lack self-discipline and not changing myself isn't gonna get me anywhere. I DESPERATELY NEED TO CHANGE.

School wasn't great. Especially when I have to do Logarithms with my heavy head again. I was running a fever, I know. And I slept through Biology; woke up only when the Chemistry test paper landed on my desk. Mad rush to clear every single Chemistry-related item off my desk. Being smart, I decided not to look at the Periodic Table, and deduced that Aluminiun is Al+, which in fact, is Al3+ Got the entire ionic equation wrong. And talking about carbon, I concentrated only on carbon dioxide only, well, that's about 7 to 9 marks off my paper. But I must admit, I didn't really study much, and it was relatively easy, compared to the previous one.

Recess. I tried running along that width of the basketball court for 5 minutes, which totally drains me out. I must say that the speed was rather good (: Played a little basketball and back to class. Being the donkey I always am, I put Daphne's octopus on the ground and decided to do my shuttle run. That stupid orange thing was stuck to the ground cause of it's suction cup. Wasted my effort.

Elective Geography wasn't really fun either. I didn't understand some parts, and the verdict "Your next test is next term" got me all sad. I'm gonna see a really nice F9 smiling at me on my PPR, which spells Failure. ARRRR. Who doesn't want good grades? Oh well. I'm finally back in love with Chinese. Cheenah-pok or whatever you may call me, I think I love Chinese; well, some things sound better in Chinese don't you think? Reading the same essay, I think the Chinese one would sound nicer, there's this little connection there (:

I was at the dentist after school. Kinda fun exploring that little room. I got my last molar filled. I wonder how my dentist missed that little hole there. TSK. Oh well. Came home and packed half of my camp Must-Bring's. Tuition.
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I can kinda have a little break today, from all those work. Finally. I'm gonna do some of my long-overdue Add Math homework before Mdm Lee gets depressed ): I wish I had more time, more energy, more motivation, more neurons. I'm gonna make time for homework. I'm gonna get organised, I'm gonna stop all these distractions. I should not be thinking of the things that affects me; it's gonna be me and homework, for the weekdays.

I can finally take a breather.

I have my beep tomorrow, which I'm just gonna totally screw up and not get into Premier. Who wants to get into Premier and make everybody lose? I don't wanna be that one ): I hate the feeling of losing, if you didn't know. It hit me twice, and I'm not ever gonna let that L word come near me. Poke your eyeballs, I don't want to lose.

Oh well, I'm not gonna whine, cause it's all my fault. I wish I had better time management, sigh, I WISH. I'm gonna make it a habit now, that I should make myself study (though I know this plan's gonna fail someday) throughout the night, and not waste too much time on time exhausting things like, going to Youtube and going to Friendster, viewing random people's profiles.

I can't get a single bit of Chemistry into my saturated brain ): It's flooded with Social Studies. Sometimes, I just wish that brains are like computers, and we save information on thumbdrives. Whichever subject we want, just plug it in; neat and organised (: In my dreams.

I'm gonna go to bed now, and wake up earlier to study. well, 5 hours of sleep is a little too much. I'm gonna wake up at 2. Or be lenient and wake up at 3? I don't know. Depends on my discipline (: Well, I do hope I have self-discipline. And if I manage to finish on time and am in a good mood, I might whip myself some egg prata for breakfast (:

I need to pass my Chemistry. I have to anyway, or else there'd be another ugly F9 on my report card, which might just spell failure. Combined Humans is enough to get me an F9, I don't need another. So, even if it means digging my brother's old textbooks and TYS out, even if it means that I've gotta study with the dumb torchlight on, even if it means I risk falling asleep on my bed, I will make it through, I don't care. Pyrrhic victory and whatever, I don't care. I just need to do well this time round, though I know I'd probably not anyway.

Oh, did I say coach wants me to do beep test on Wednesday? Oh man, that's gonna stink. 1 round of morning jog, 6 rounds for PE, training rounds then beep. I'm so dead. Level 8 is tough ): Premier. Isn't that worse? "SRC has been the defending champions for the 3 years", I'm so gonna die if I make them loose. The ladies would just come and kick my ass till it's 10 times larger than Yo Momma's. TSK. beep test can kill ): And considering my state of physical fitness. TSK. I'm still gonna do my best (:

"It isn't the results that we're looking for, it YOUR BEST." BEST, I'll remember this 4 letter word that spells ultimatum. I'll bring you along wherever I go.

Someone's gonna massage my aching thighs during camp. HAHAHA, Kristel, I'm depending on you alright?

Oh well, I'm gonna go now. My parents would be amazed. I haven't slept earlier than 11 since Fiesta. Oops. That's mad.
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I'm not gonna let that 5 letter word that spells weariness get me down, I'm gonna make it through. I have to. I can't afford to fail anymore.

I just got back from tuition, and bathing. Oh well, today's been quite an energetic day, despite me sleeping at 0145. I went off the comp at about 1, then do some reading. I read for like 40 minutes! Isn't that great? Achievement alright, it's been ages since I last read for so long, okay, maybe that was just last week. You get my passion (: I'm left with 20 pages of the New Testament. Which includes 2 Peter, 1-3 John, Jude and Revealations. Oh man. How slow. TSK. I thought I was left with 3 chapters until I checked ):

Alright, school was just so.. TSK. I didn't sleep /  feel sleepy.

We had a lecture during training, and that seriously sucked. Just reminds me of how incompetent and lacking I am. ): Bawls and pulls hair out.

Tuition with BTan. I was so hungry ):

I'm gonna live this night through, cause TIRED'S ONLY IN THE MIND.

Happy Birthday Xinhui! I hope you like your pink towel.

I slept through many classes today. Felt so sick and didn't wanna stay on. Math test wasn't THATTT great, cause I have many many careless mistakes :/ TSK, always like that. HAHAHA, went mad during recess, to the ultimate. Went to play at the little playground. Fought for the swing. Imagine, Wanting, Linglan, Lehlin, Hiumin, Yuanyee, Beatrice, Lynnette, Ayu and I were fighting for that 1 pathetic swing. Took a picture, I bet I look hideous. HAHAHA. Chemistry lab lesson was quite fun, and Chinese lesson was gross, learning about lollipop girls. Tsk, gross. English was alright.

Spent some time in class trying to wrap Xinhui's present, cause I was too dumb. Thanks Hiumin! Yeah, and so. Hmm, training was pissifying. Argh, I'm not gonna elaborate, cause I know that I'd hurt someone deeply. Tsk, my big mouth and I again.

I think I just got my answer from God. I'm still waiting for Sining.

I am typing only with my left hand; my right wrists is starting to hurt again, even after physio :/ I dislocated it by the way, and I just had to carry somethinh heavy which made it start to ache :/ Anyway, it's no writing for 3 days, whatever, I'm still gonna do my Elective Geography test tomorrow (: I know I'm done for for Combined Humanities, but whatever, at least it won't be an F9, but E8, looks nicer (:

Pray for the wrist (:

Seeya!

I've pretty much wasted this entire weekend away > : ( I'm angry with myself now, and I really mean it. My right wrist is hurting again; I think it's the old injury from hockey training :/ I get most of my injuries from there > : ( Oh well. I declare that I haven't done a single thing / homework / test study for the entire weekend, and it's gonna end in about 2 hours. I'd prolly get chased to sleep at 11, that makes it 1 hour. Smart Joan, very smart. The best at wasting time. ARRRR.

Things to complete by tonight:
- Elective Geography Notes (well, this is more important that Math)
- A and E Math homework (damn a lot, I owe Mdm Lee homework since like, forever?)
- Biology Graded Assignment
- Chemistry Notes (Fill in the blanks)

Looks damn little huh? Tedious work I tell you. So, seeyah tomorrow!

Today was one of the rare few Saturdays that I get to sleep till 9. Really, and so, I went to make my I/C; it isn't really exciting, cause you know you're starting to lose the memories of being a little kid:

1) Chasing your older brother round the house, and falling down the stairs. From that day onwards, Mommy gave you a choice, to stay upstairs in the room to play toys, or get downstairs to watch the telly, and sometimes, the swing in the garden when the weather's good. And being the little one, you'd choose to stick with your brother upstairs to play Power Rangers, sacrificing the swing and the little corner where you have your own little 'supermarket'.

2) When Mommy gives you the chance to 'cane the dog' cause she's being really naughty and created a huge mess. You get so excited and rush into the room to get the cane. Then you start chasing the little helpless dog around the house, desperately trying to cane it. You won't give up, cause you wanna be like Mommy; chasing you till she gets the chance to cane and discipline you. Obviously, being a little girl of 3 years old, you'd lose to the 3-year-old dog in running.

3) You sit on the dog and smack her hind, thinking that she was the 'horse'. And the stupid dog decided that you were trash and decided to throw you on the ground instead. It hurt, but you still had fun chasing and rolling around on the ground with the dog. You'd tie the dog at the front of the tricycle, and make it drag you around the garden. You then go to the lime plant and pluck out some limes, thinking that it was orange and fed it to the dog, well, HAHAHA, poor dog, poor Joan.

4) You were so traumatised when the dog killed a little mynah. You just stood there, staring at the bird, long enough for Daddy to notice. And he became your 'Power Ranger' when he took the broom and dustpan to clear the dead mynah into the dustbin. Then you play around in the garden, on your brother's bicycle with colourful wheels, until the postman came, and you hide behind the letter box, putting your face there. When the postman open the front of the box and stuff the letter inside, it hit your face, and you fell down flat, crying.

I was so accident prone when I was young, and everytime I stare at my teeth when I'm brushing it, I remember the time this little rascal banged into my face, and my tooth chipped off. Stupid little boy :/ Maybe next year, I would remember lesser things, maybe, I'd forget that I once lived in Begonia Drive, and that little playground where I got most of my scars from.

Oh well, the wait wasn't long. I had a chance to declare my religion as a Christian, cause Mommy just stared at me. I wanted to, but I just said free thinker. I ruined my life, in my own hands. How much it sucks. I could say that I was Muslim, Hindu and Taoist and I bet she wouldn't give a single hoot. I ruined my life, I screwed it up. I made a terrible mistake in the making of this little pink card that's gonna stay by my side for 15 years :/ Smack me someone. Made my passport too. The pictures I took was hideous :/ I'm gonna look hideous for another 15 years, and counting.

I wanted to buy school shoes and sports shoes. I fell in love with this lime green New Balance one, which was slightly over $50, and Mommy said that it was too cheap for a pair of sports shoes. How expensive does she want it to be? Then it was pouring monkeys, and I saw this streak of lightning right in front of my eyes. I could tell that it was mocking me, for not fighting hard enough for Christ.

I could make it to service is I asked (and be really nice I hope), but didn't have the guts to. I haven't been fighting hard enough for Christ, I haven't been a good Child Of God, I haven't been a good daughter to my parents, I haven't been a good student to my teachers, I haven't been a good friend to those around me, I haven't been a good sheep to my shepherd, I haven't been a good sister to my brother, I haven't been a good tablemate to Ayu. I feel bad, cause I've neglected them. I should start to work hard now, and push myself to my own limits.
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Pie, I'm sorry for neglecting you these few days / nights. Haven't been talking to you much too :/ Your "Good Morning" sms was funny, but I didn't want to reply, sorry. It does feel good to have a "Good Morning" sms everyday (: Love, <3

I think, listening to a seashell is calming and soothing to one's mind, body and soul. It gently relaxes the entire body. Sometimes, I wish I had a house by the seaside, and every hour would be the time that the sun is going to rise, or the time when the sun is about to set. Taking a stroll along the waters every morning, letting the waves gently lap your feet.

I don't know what's with me now, and again, cause I'm starting to love peace all over again. I love to hear the sound of the rain, pelting down on the black gravel roads. Most importantly, I love listening to soothing music. I don't know why; but I will calm down after hearing a piece of soothing music, and the feeling of having inner peace feels good.

Ah well, let's all go for peace (and victory).

(I'm putting work aside for now since I really want to keep the second part of this post in memory. There isn't any reason not to love my CG.)

Biology test was alright, cause I admit that I didn't study as hard as some of my friends did. I should pick myself up and get on. Elective Geography sent me up the wall. I was really irritated with myself cause I couldn't do a single question, I couldn't explain, I couldn't phrase the sentences :/ Almost went off in tears cause I was traumatised by some things, that was disturbing if you didn't know. Chinese was pretty fun, and I realised that the Wang Lao Shi reads our blogs and so do many other teachers.

Felt quite lonely after school, cause there was caregroup and no one was going to go with me. Made Huiyi wait for my grand arrival at the bus stop for 30 minutes. HEH, I said that they could lock me in the room while preparing. It was funny, cause I knew half the things that were up their sleeves. Yeap, got my ass down to do some work. Elective Geography noes (though it's only the summary and water cycle) and finished a quarter of my Chinese tuition homework.

Didn't feel like eating for the entire day, I don't know why either. Sweet Sining and Huiyi bought me kaya toasts, and cut it into heart shapes. I had 2, and sorry, that I forgot to take pictures of them. Those 2 cute little pieces of bread (: Was so tired and down, till I almost cried while listening to music on my phone. So, most of us finally came, and well, started by playing Heart Attack. Luck was with my when I had 3 Kings (or maybe Queens) the first round, it was amusing, when we smacked each other's hands (: I admit I was damn slow, like "Uhm, heart attack?" "HUH? You sure?" (Flashes cards, King Queen Ace Two) (Mad rush to get their hands in the centre.)

The smart people decided to play a prank on me; WHO'S THE LEADER huh. Retardeds. So, I was sent out. Sat outside, played games on my phone. They took damn long I tell you. I was half freaked out when the whole living room was dark, it was scary, really. Smart people in the room decided to off the lights, ah well, so I went in."Why is that corner so empty?" This thought ran through my mind. Cause before that, Meichi, Sinng and I were squeezing there, and it was so empty. "Why someone missing?" and they kept quiet. Counted the people, "Oh my, Sining's missing!" This thought ran through, and another followed, "Why isn't the door fully opened?" So, I kicked the door, and true enough, Sining was hiding behind. Kicked it even harder. "Eh Joan, Sining behind lah!". Thought 4 "YES! I'm right! Woots!" Then this cake came flying out from behind. "Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday.." (Joan turns and tries to run out of room, succeeded. Subsequent attempts were stopped by Sining, but managed to get out one last time.)

Yeah, so, as I quote, "The chocolate is kinda ruined", and I saw someone's finger dig into the cake, and that finger came flying onto my face. "Shucks". Instinctively, I picked up my Deuter harversack, and hid behind it, as if it was the smartest thing to do. I really regretted not running away. "We don't want to get a Deuter dirty," so, Sining cooly took it out of my hands. "Chocolates make your face smoother," and splat, it came on my face, pinafore, blouse, arms and legs. Poor Joan was struggling, and almost died. It was gross, sticky, messy and chaotic. Seems as though they were having a whole lot of fun, indeed they were.

So, I went to wash up, and chocolate cake / coffee cake kinda blends in well with my skin tone (?!?!), had a hard time getting them off. Went back and started chasing Sining around with the cake in my hand. Smart girl, ran out of the house, and locked herself outside, with no means of getting back in again, except to beg and wait outside. Being nice, I went to open the door (: That little girl was still cowering in fear outside, still hesitant and wary of Joan. Thank God Sining brought a PE shirt for me, or else I wouldn't want to turn up for tuition.

Then, we sat down, and watch a video Sining did till 2am. NO WONDER SHE WAS ONLINE TILL 1 PLUS LAST NIGHT! Made me so touched, ah well, you know, fighting back tears is kinda hard and yes, i won the battle (: They never fail to make me gan-dong-ed. Had to take pictures, and obviously, I was reluctant. I bet I look super unglam (not that I look glam at any point in time; call it cameraphobia). They gave me three wishes, so I asked for 3 more per wish. They said I couldn't, so, I wished for Sining to be retained, three times, which will never ever come true cause she's just too smart. Though I want her by my side so badly, I won't want anything bad to happen to her. Prayed. And went off.

Mommy was pissed with me. And she said that I constantly go out on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays to "play and shop". And she banned me from going out everyday, even weekends. So, I must be at home before / after school / tuition. Yeah, is it time to tell them about me going to church? Those words hurt deep. I wanted to go like, "WTF! I went to church lah! Get your facts right." But something held me back, if it wasn't the Holy Spirit, I don't know what it is. It then dawned on me that, as a COG, I shouldn't use that word, and all the more not use it when saying something about church. Yeah, I'm trying my best not to use it (: Almost cried in the car.

Tuition was great, though I didn't get any bonus points and it was depressing. Had fun.

So, as I said, I would summarise my birthday celebration(s):

Family - Didn't really celebrate, just had a meal at Parkway Thai, and it wasn't THAT enjoyable either.

Relatives - I didn't even see them.

Friends - Nothing, it's a Sunday, donkey.

Caregroup - THE BLAST SERIOUSLY, well, it would be mean and critical if I say that I prefer to spend my birthday with my Caregroup than family, but I really do feel this way.

SO, TO THE ENTIRE CAREGROUP OUT THERE:
Though you people sometimes drive me up the wall, though you people sometimes make me wanna cry, though you people come up with the craziest ideas, though you people send me laughing till my muscles cramp, I STILL LOVE EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU, AND I CAN NEVER EVER ASK FOR MORE. Thanks for being there always, giving my the encouragement, lending me your shoulders, picking me up when I have fallen. Thanks for being there (: You guys are just <4. I'm glad to be part of SNCG, and I don't want this year to ever end, cause I'd miss (in random order) Sining, Karchian, Emily, Sharon and Meichi (well, if I missed anyone out, kick me cause I can't remember,) I'd get to sentimental and emotional till I'll cry my eyeballs dry. Thanks for just being there <5

So, some pictures.